4 principles for controlling your unpleasant emotions

Each of us wants to have control over our emotions, especially the unpleasant ones. However, most equate this control with resistance or internal struggle with their own emotions. Many people treat unpleasant emotions as enemies and then fight them, divert attention, suppress them, analyze them, enjoy them, which leads to the drama becoming even worse. All these actions that we take because of our unpleasant emotions are just a fight with them, which further leads to the appearance of anxiety, depression, and similar unpleasant states.

HOW CAN WE CONTROL OUR EMOTIONS?

First of all, you have to understand that emotions are an integral part of life and we cannot squeeze them out or reject them. But that doesn’t mean we have to live in the drama of a lifetime and be constantly under some emotional tension. We can and want to learn to deal with all our emotions so that they are the icing on the cake of our lives, not bad masters.

Feelings appear spontaneously, come from our subconscious, and completely automatically. We cannot prevent their appearance, but when they appear and if we can make them aware, we can gain some kind of control over them, which leads to us not falling into their trap. By working on myself and reading various texts on the subject, I have concluded that there are four basic principles we need to apply to gain control over our feelings.

PRINCIPLE FIRST - DISTANCE, NON-IDENTIFICATION, KNOWLEDGE THAT IT IS NOT US

When a strong unpleasant feeling occurs, the first principle tells us that we should keep the awareness that this emotion is only an emotion, not our reality and that this emotion is not a characteristic of our identity or our true self. When a strong emotion arises, we automatically connect with it and experience it as our reality. That feeling is a consequence of Narrowed Consciousness. A clear example of this is watching a movie in a movie theater. We immerse ourselves so much in the film and its characters that we completely identify with them because all our attention is occupied with the film. Then we experience emotions and we experience the film as a reality in which we participate. As a result, our ability to think critically, which serves to distance ourselves from what we experience and perceive, is diminished. If you were just reminded that you are just someone who is currently sitting in a movie theater watching that movie, your feelings would immediately subside. We can do the same with our emotions. We can remind ourselves that what we feel are only feelings and not reality and that We are not those feelings. We experience feelings but We are not that feeling, it is just a reaction to the circumstances in which we currently find ourselves. Remember, We are not our feelings no matter what those feelings are. Feelings are just a learned automated reaction to events in or around you.

THE SECOND PRINCIPLE - UNREAL REQUIREMENTS, EXPECTATIONS, WISHES

Feelings can be a consequence of our unrealistic demands and desires that we have towards ourselves, towards others, or the world. If an unpleasant feeling persists with you for a long time, ask yourself what you demand so much from yourself / the world/others. Ask yourself if this is really what we are asking for and if it is necessary for us. When you become aware of your unrealistic needs and when you release them, unpleasant emotions will decrease a lot.

THIRD PRINCIPLE - DO NOT RESIST, ACCEPT, GIVE UP

The third principle is very important, which you must pay special attention to. When any feeling arises, remember the following, do not resist it at any cost, neither mentally nor physically. Only then will you have control over them. If you resist your emotions, an internal conflict will arise that will cause anxiety, and that can last much longer than it would have lasted without us resisting it. If we do not resist our feelings, they do not last longer than 90 seconds. If it lasts longer than that, it means that you continue to resist, analyze it and deal with the thoughts that are part of those feelings.

Resistance can be mental and physical. Mental resistance implies a mental analysis of what we feel, why it is happening to us, what is wrong with us, how to get rid of this, etc. Physical resistance means that you struggle with emotion, limit your breathing, do everything just to reduce this intense feeling. You don't need to do that at all, because this is not control at all, but a fight. You can only do the analysis when the emotional reaction passes if you think it should be analyzed. As for the body, you can only be aware of all the bodily sensations that occur in the body and not suppress them but release them as much as you can, breathe slowly from the stomach and simply accept everything you feel. No feeling, in itself, is unpleasant. The resistance we create to these feelings is unpleasant.

FOURTH PRINCIPLE - DON'T INDULGENCE

Many people automatically enjoy the thoughts and imaginations that come along with these unpleasant emotions. By that I mean consciously analyzing and dealing with those thoughts, questions "What if ..." and the like. In that way, you only deepen that feeling, you make it important. No learned reaction can last permanently if it is not strengthened for a long time. Undercutting is considered to be the investment of conscious attention and analysis, which means that we attach great importance to that feeling.

We are guided by the fact that we pay our attention only to what is important for our growth and development. What is less important, we do not pay attention to. This is exactly the attitude that should be conveyed to our emotions. When a feeling arises, become aware of it and experience it, but not beyond that. Do not resist it, remind yourself that you are not that feeling, and do not indulge in it. Do not analyze thoughts and imaginations that are only a side effect of those feelings, they are just a cognitive signature of that feeling. These thoughts are not a reflection of you and your true Self, they are a reflection of feelings.

If you deal with those thoughts, you will only deepen that emotion even deeper and maintain it. Let your thoughts come, come and go but without having to deal with them and analyze them. If you do, you will notice that your thoughts begin to weaken and that they appear less and less often, begin to fade and disappear along with the feeling that accompanies them. Treat these thoughts as an unimportant noise that you are currently hearing somewhere in the distance.

APPLICATION IS THE KEY

It is very important to use all four principles regularly, and whenever you feel uncomfortable. Be persistent and persistent. It will happen that you are sometimes more successful and sometimes less successful. That is normal. It is an exercise, so practice this method and be persistent, which will surely bring results.

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