The process of acceptance as a technique for liberation from suffering

"When he is hit by a feeling of pain, an ignorant person feels two pains, physical and mental. But a sage, when he is struck by a feeling of pain, feels only one pain, physical, and mental." - Buddha -

Suffering and pain are two indispensable emotions in the human experience. Many equate these two experiences, although they are different. In addition to the fact that these emotions are closely related, there is still a difference between them. The definition of pain is the physical discomfort that the body feels when we injure ourselves. When we hit we irritate the C fibers that send a pain signal and that information reaches the brain.

Various research has found that the same centers in the brain are activated even when we experience a traumatic experience, such as the loss of a loved one or a job. In this case, we are talking about mental pain.

On the other hand, suffering is defined as a mental struggle that occurs based on our opinion of pain. The fact is that, both physically and mentally, pain is an inevitable experience of all living beings, while suffering is our choice. Suffering is a mental experience of resistance and rejection of this objective reality.

PAIN + RESISTANCE = SUFFERING

We suffer when we cannot accept things as they are. As we have said, pain is inevitable and we cannot influence it, but we can certainly influence resistance to it, that is, suffering.

DO YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHANGING AND CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES

If we demand that immutable circumstances be different than they are, we demand that reality change because that is what we want. As much as we want to change our past, people, or certain experiences, our request will not change that.

As long as we strive for things to be different than they are, we hit our heads against the wall, that is, we experience suffering. When we reject or struggle with pain, we spend a lot of energy resisting things that are mostly out of our control. Instead of spending our precious energy to change immutable things, a better solution is to focus our attention on what we can change, improve, what we can do to make ourselves better.

There is an ideal example of this. You must have been in a situation where you are doing something in the house that requires your full concentration, however, a house is being built next to your apartment and that noise is incredibly disturbing your concentration. Convincing ourselves that noise is pleasant is certainly not the solution, and it is very important to realize that we cannot influence it. We can fight by filing complaints and the like, but that only increases the discomfort and does not solve anything. Perhaps the best solution is to learn to let go of it. Simply notice the noise, but don't attach too much importance to it, because it's just sound. Based on this, we understand that we suffer only when we declare certain circumstances catastrophic, inadmissible, or unbearable.

HOW DO STOICS SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH SUFFERING?

"The main task in life is simply this: To identify and separate things so that I can tell myself which circumstances are not under my control, and which I can do with the choices I control. Where then should I look for good and evil? Not in circumstances, I do not control, but in myself, in my choices."

- Epictetus -

The fact that we have described some circumstances as catastrophic, inadequate, or inadmissible will not change our reality, but will only cause suffering. Man is a being who can adapt to any change, and we should use this to our advantage. We will achieve this by practicing accepting things as they are and raising tolerance for discomfort.

When we say of a person that Stoic has endured some life inconvenience, we are referring to this way of looking at things, and that is accepting that circumstance without excessive emotional reactions.

The Stoics did not consider that the whole human psyche was based solely on his reason. They simply distinguish between the "first impulse" and emotion. We cannot influence the impulse, but we can very well influence our emotional reaction.

HOW STOICS LOOK AT NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND EXPERIENCES

The Stoics believed that imp in uls, that is, the first impression, was what was not in our control, but they, therefore, believed that in our complete control was our conscious response to that first impression.

Let us recall the noise we cited as an example. The first impression can be frustrating due to interference in work, a lump in the throat, a feeling of pressure in the head, and the like. The Stoics believe that we cannot influence these initial impulses, but that is why we can ignore them and leave them on the periphery of our attention and thus not attach importance to them.

When we have an unpleasant experience, two thoughts occur to us. The first is the impression that something unpleasant has happened to us (we notice noise), and the second is the one that concludes whether it is good or bad. If we have the attitude that the noise is bad, it will not solve our problem and will not reduce the noise, on the contrary, it will make it even worse.

CONSISTENT EXERCISE AGAINST ITS FIRST IMPULSES

It is generally impossible to change the attitude at the moment, but such changes are done with the consistent and long-lasting exercise, which the Stoics themselves applied. Such exercises are the forerunner of modern psychotherapy.

The exercise consists of focusing on things that are more important for our lives, and every time we notice an impulse of frustration, fear, anger, or sadness - we will continue to work regardless of the noise and move our attention away from those unchanging circumstances.

Start with small things, that is, with smaller impulses, such as bus delays, cold weather, rain and we did not bring an umbrella, etc. These are all experiences that we experience every day, but which we should not allow creating our consciousness and emotional experience.

When we experience negative emotional reactions it means that we have succumbed to circumstances just because we do not want them in our experience. The Stoics see this as an unreasonable expectation because our desires cannot control how the world will function. Unpleasant things are part of the human experience and we need to accept them as such.

ACCEPTANCE AS A PROCEDURE FOR RECOVERY FROM BAD EMOTIONS

We need to accept that pain is an integral part of our lives, and that some circumstances cannot be changed. We accept reality as it is. We accept our negative emotions and do not analyze or catastrophize them. We learn to endure unchanging circumstances, while focusing our focus and energy on what can change.

Acceptance does not mean giving up and surrendering. Accepting the facts is actually intelligent behavior. Negating the factual situation is not useful at all and is an unintelligent act. The first step towards establishing self-control is acceptance.

This process is not easy of course, but it is absolutely possible. The way we think and the attitude we have about our thinking can change our emotional reaction, the degree to which we suffer or not, the level of tension and frustration and thus the experience of pain.

Pain activates negative thoughts, they activate negative self-talk and our beliefs lead to feelings of anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness, depression ... - more precisely, to suffering. Suffering is modified the moment we become aware of this chain reaction and when we learn to respond by accepting the circumstances and our pain.

The process of recovery from pain begins with the establishment of cognitive and emotional balance by applying the method of acceptance.

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